Monday, January 9, 2017

What The Walls Wrote

And suddenly, the room went silent. 

She could still hear the gentle closing of a French door, the tumbling footsteps & uplifted voices from above, streams of long dark hair and eyelashes, blonde curls & eager, grasping eyes, that would fade in a matter of hours. 

Business would continue as usual. The festivities of glitter and bows, pictures, videos and thank you letters the only reminder of what seemed like an open door to a world filled with warmth, weight, children's breath and beating hearts. 

She would go back to the basement, the humidifier's purr blurring out the words "I love you and we'll see you soon." She knows how far away soon truly is, that sometimes it's the drop of a penny in a wishing well, the wait by the train track, the silence of the telephone, an unopened letter. 

She knows how "soon" is not a measurement of time, and with time, there are no guarantees. 

She will stop, listen to the stillness of a spoon clanking in a coffee mug, her own heartbeat, the hands of a clock, close her heavy lids, curl into her own chest, smile to God and realize....

She is just alone, not lonely. 

And suddenly, the walls erupt with applause. 





 


Yours Truly,
MourningGlory ❤️️
 

 
 
 

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

A Thank You



In the words of Adele, "Hello, how are you? It's so typical of me to talk about myself; I'm sorry. I hope that you're well."

And it's true. I really, really do care about you. Life is overwhelming as always, full of decisions like marbles falling on cold tile I cannot scoop back up. But life isn't in sepia anymore. It is a rainbow I am reaching for with stronger arms every day. 

Before I try to start promising posts , telling my story at the moment, or describing my current mood, I just wanted to say thank you. 

I am a complete mess. Dirty. Laundry undone. Dishes left in a sink of lukewarm water. Clumsy as the tightrope I fell off when I tripped and lost my self-esteem. Unpredictable--a sunshower on a hot August day. A sponge, squeezing itself out, hands wringing my grievances and pains on your kitchen and all over your face. 

And you listen. You wear patience like a tailored jacket. You hold me in your pockets, polishing me as one does a gemstone, making me shine. You accept my offerings of dirt and borrowed fragment of star, the broken teeth and leftover honey. 

It is with salt, sediment and grain coming from my eyes, I say thank you. Thank you for your love, without which, I would be an empty, unvisited shoreline, a door overgrown with black mold. 

I cling to your coat tails. Don't walk too fast. 


You never do. 

Love,
MourningGlory
 

 
 
 

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Life In The Not-So Tragic Kingdom

First off, I think we should acknowledge my reference to Gwen Stefani in the title.

Sure, she's totally hot now, but I miss the old days-belly shirts, bangs, face piercings, overly-plucked brows, and 90s AWESOMENESS. 

Case in point:




But the point of this post is, that although I post a lot about depression and struggling with certain feelings after my disability, my situation is, in fact, not tragic. At all.

Frustrating? Tedious? Time-consuming? Embarrassing? Physically and emotionally draining?

Oh, yes. Ohhhh, yes. 

But when I really think about it, it's kind of ridiculous how spoiled I am. I mean, I literally have servants come to my house that prepare my food for me, help bathe me, blow dry my hair if I want them to, dress me, put my shoes on, etc. Did you know that back in the day, the royal family in China made people FEED them?!

So yeah, I'm pretty much royalty. I don't even have to walk for myself; I have a $50,000 machine does it for me.

I started coming to this conclusion when I was telling a new friend of mine about what happened. She asked me and I told her the story in complete detail. For some reason, people assume that I would have a hard time talking about it. Which makes sense, actually. But considering the fact that I don't remember any of it, the actual accident part, it's not traumatizing at all. Plus, it seems like a lifetime ago. Like it wasn't me at all.

After I had told her the story, she said, "Seriously?!? That's ALL you've got?! I'll tell you about tragedy. And if I were you, I would embellish that sh*t. Add in some flying monkeys or something."

And not only was it hilarious, it's true.

There are people in this world who are sold into sex trafficking and used over and over again until they die, orphans who die without food or medical care all over the world, children who watch their entire families be murdered in front of them, people who will start to death, people who will never have a home, food, or shelter. Not to mention the people that get paralyzed in other countries and don't have the resources that I have.

And yeah, it still sucks. But overall, it's a first-world problem. I often get sucked into the "Facebook comparison game," which I thought was silly.

Until I watched this....

Every night before I go to bed, I always look around at all the things I have in my room, that are so silly and excessive, the fact that I am sleeping in a warm bed with a full stomach, and can't help but feel almost guilty.

I laugh a lot, and although I don't get to see people very much, I definitely have people and family that love, encourage, and constantly support me.





I also have the free time to do ridiculous things like the following. 

This is my costume for one video we did. My mother came home and found me sitting in the basement like this and asked me if I was having a Bette Davis meltdown. She was legitimately concerned. I don't blame her. 

Signed,
MourningGlory xoxo

But I'm a rebel.

PS. I still need help fixing my blog layout!!!

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Poetry

I eat words and spit them back out. 

I have always been told I was a good writer. I used to keep journals in elementary school and crankiing out those three-point essays in high school was no big deal to me. But I joined a creative writing class in 11th grade as a blow-off class. and quickly learned that I loved to write poetry. 

I was not good. I was not experienced. I am still not. I simply tell my stories. I continue to do that to this day. Here are a few of my poems-some are edited and published, while others are completely unedited, raw and need real work. But I write. I write for me. I write for others, in the hopes that they can understand what I feel like. I write because I have something to say. I write because I love to write, even though it is one of the hardest things I ever do.  It is a craft that I continually work on. I have to write-it is something in my blood, something deep down in the marrow of my bones.

Ernest Hemingway once said all he wanted was to write one true sentence. That sounds very simple, but when you think about it as a writer yourself, it is incredibly difficult. Because while I might interpret a situation in one way, another may interpret it another way. I also do not even know what is completely true to me. Who can? But I write from the guise of my own experience. It's all I can do.



The following are poems that are actually published and ones that are not yet-that are still unedited, rough and extremely raw. Please be patient with me.

I wrote this in about five minutes after it had happened to me, which I describe in the poem. It is very stream of consciousness. I did not edit it at all before it got published.


She does not know what it's like
to smell the animals dying. 

My mother knows only calendars,
clocks,  
kitchen timers, 
common
sense. 
hating my sullen stillness 
the silence of my hands,  
she forces me out of bed again today
ripping off covers
tearing open blinds
with clenched-dishwasher fists
letting in the lethargic light
ruining all hopes of swimming 
in the dark waters of dreaming 


I do not blame her,
though. 
She has never seen the tired Sun pack up at eight in the morning,
with a gaunt shuffle, saying
So long, let's try again tomorrow,
tipping his hat
when everything is so slow
sluggish, thick
that breathing is tiresome 
inhaling humid Arkansas summersodden air 
through a wet blindfold. 

my cicada sins are 
crawling up my legs 
and all over my arms
gnawing at the skin in-between my fingers
nipping at my heels
shadows that follow even when there is no sun. 


Now there's my sister
with her Pinterest perfect house,
law degree, 
sensible shoes
home cooked supper
beer, pretties they bought from the antique store,
the television blaring,
uproarious laughter,
"who are these people,"
I ask. 


All I want to do is be alone 
in my room
in my head
to try to make some sense out of myself. 

I wanted to try to write a positive poem, as it is so much easier to write about painful experiences. This poem is about the first ride I took with my ex-boyfriend. It came out in literally three minutes and has no edits. It is one of my favorites. I also wanted it to be a short and succinct as possible (thus the references to Pound & Hemingway-both known for their brief sparse style), because brevity is not my strong suit.


If I Were Hemingway
Or maybepound 

I would tell you how
The suncircles on the 
afternoon trees that smiled

Unfurled the poisonedpetals 
of my foreignforged fingertips. 

Twitching to the rhythm 
of a thousand dead men
dancing in the street. 

When you held my hand. 



Another published work about my sister:


For my sister: Sarah

My sister cried in the hallway
while a kind black lady with soft skin
and a gentle voice prayed with her
holding her shoulders-slight
as the nurse bathed me
teeth clenching on pink sponges
my cracked lips begging for water,
for mercy. 

Limplagous legs
spread open like
the Japanese fans
we played with as children 
my heart beating to the rhythm of the vent
in and out, in and out
let's play the dying game
I'll take the lead.

Later, when I was in a space
somewhere between the end
of the beginning 
I asked her, "Does my hair look like Natalie Portman's?"
You know, like in V for Vendetta 
she knew I was still there
spread out stiff, 
swaddled in hospital gowns
my father's prayers

She came to me every day
bringing me pretties
little lotions,
bright tank tops
everything so colorful, garish
against the prison grey light. 
painting the space
in-between my body
and my head
with its right ear
dangling down
I hadn't yet seen myself 
faces warned me
it was better
not to ask. 

When we got home,
we went shopping for wigs
my old hair in a plastic bag
somewhere in the closet
she covered the scars of my crucifixion  
so Michael wouldn't notice
the first time he saw me
after the carnage
a Hungarian wasteland 
dead birds on the windowsill 
"I think he should see them so he'll know how bad it was."

"Was?" 
I wanted to ask. 


Twice in the night,
she would come to turn
my frailbonesbitter
turning on music
to drown out the sound
of my nighttime nightingale tears
The prayers to a god I hated 
stroking softly,
with lily-petaled fingertips
my face
my neck
 

I never saw her cry 
it was just the story I heard
as hard to believe 
as a rhinestone-dragon tale 
I was told nobody, 
not even the rain
has such small hands. 

But e.e. never met my sister. 

That last line was based on the first poem I ever loved, by my favorite poet, e.e cummings. 

Here it is:

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond any experience,your eyes have their silence: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near your slightest look easily will unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose or if your wish be to close me,i and my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow carefully everywhere descending; nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals the power of your intense fragility:whose texture compels me with the colour of its countries, rendering death and forever with each breathing (i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens;only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) nobody,not even the rain, has such small hands. 
Beautiful, write? Catch my clever pun? :)
And here is an example of how messy poems are-at least mine are-before I work on them:
You plead not guilty to all charges against you. You forget that four months can seem like a lifetime to me.  You forget that I can still taste your kiss in the mornings when I wake up alone again. 

You forget the words you fed me.
 
Kiss me. Beautiful. Again. Now. Please. Stay

Lips pomegranates, fingers peeling petal by petal the magnolias of our mouths. The way my name was soft inside your throat. The sky a carousel of buttercream and azaleas pouring down our cheeks, covering the red veins down your back, my broken teeth. You forget the tangerine rinds of my thighs and what it is over parted flesh becoming. Belly kisses, your bare hands calloused, tracing the tears down my cheek.

I fuck for the speechless. You fuck for the screams. 

You forget that hospitals and home smell the same to me now. Like blood. Like metal. Like alone. You forget that the do not resuscitate sign still hangs above my bed--a warning for anyone trying to save me. 

Your mouth is the burial ground and the battle field.
 Most war zones avoid being loved 
but these lips remember your bloody kind of sacred. I love you for the home you made of freckled shoulders, open mouths, piano fingers, safety. And I hate you for the way you tore it down, pieces of our ghosts still there in the spaces between us. You didn't even have the decency to let it burn. 

You forget when I scan my body, I still see yours. You forget to stay out of my poems, out of my head. You forget that everything isn't about you. 

You forget that I can't. 
I hate writing. And I love it. It is so difficult to explain the dichotomy. But for now, I rest. I realize that I will never be the best and I will never be the worst. I can only tell my story and that is good enough for me.

Love,
MourningGlory

PS. Ernest Heminway also said, "the first draft of anything is shit," which gives me great comfort. 

What is your favorite poem of mine out of these?

Once again thank you so much for reading!

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Paralysis Q & A: Part One

have been procrastinating and procrastinating about writing in my blog, because I promised to do a paralysis Q & A, and all of the information I had to cover was completely overwhelming. This post is going to be pretty basic, dry, and factual. I will get back to more interesting posts later on. I would also suggest that you skim through this, as some of the information will be boring. Just hit the high points.

Deep breath...

*pushes glasses up nose*

Paralysis: What is it? (When something some may consider tragic happens to you, and you become a sex icon).

What are all the side effects? (Becoming so witty and attractive, that it's difficult for others to be around you). 

How much sensation and muscle movement do most paralyzed people have? (Usually enough to run you over if you park in a handicap spot & you're not disabled).

Can paralyzed women have children? (Yes. And I can't speak for other women, but I'm totally planning on doing it Duggar-style. 18 kids minimum). 

How do you poop and pee? (We don't. Like, ever. It's great for road trips!)

 Can you still have sex? (Nope! Paralysis sews your vagina up and removes your penis. We look just like Barbie & Ken dolls)
All of our bodies are this fit, too. All of the women have boobs exactly like this and wear stripper heels, like the ones pictured above. And every single man has the same tattoo. What a coincidence, right??!!

There. I think that covers it. 

Alright, alright...I'll TRY to be serious here. Try being the key word. I've been wanting to do a Q & A post about paralysis for a while now, because not only do I think people need to be educated-I'm completely shocked at the ignorance of most every doctor who doesn't specialize in SCIs, I wanted to write this because I had NO clue what all it entailed before, either. I mean, how would anyone? I asked people for specific questions, and I got so many that I think I'm going to have to turn this into a series of posts. In this first one, I'm going to give all the general information about paralysis. I am not going to add any personal information about me, because every injury is different. What some people may struggle with, I may not & vice versa. In the next post, I will answer all of the questions  people asked me that pertain specifically to me and my personal experience with a spinal cord injury. 

So, here we go....but first a few pics!

Check out that tattoo!
I'm going to do a whole different post on "devotees"-people who are attracted to other people with disabilities. I have also found out that there are people with something called body integrity identity disorder, where they feel that they were born in the wrong body and would be happier disabled. My research has been incredibly interesting, and I have done an in-depth survey and will share the results in a future post.

Due to extreme laziness and stress over all the information I have to cover, I'm going to copy/paste question number one from the Internet. 

SHOUT OUT TO GOOGLE!!!

BUT, I copy/pasted most of this info from Wikipedia and they are so incredibly wrong about so much of this! I'll explain later AND sue the website. But it'll cover the basics for now. You must also keep in mind that most doctors have a "you get what you get" attitude towards spinal cord injuries still, ie they are programmed and trained to go by the book in regards to thinking that if you broke a vertebra at this or that level, you are going to be the textbook definition of that type of injury, which does happen, but I have rarely seen it. And I've talked to and know tons of other people with an SCI. However, I imagine this will drastically change soon, due to all the amazing research and progress already made in certain types of therapy.

Editor's note: I know a guy who is a prime example of how doctors can be so incredibly wrong. Watch this video and you'll see; it is AMAZING.

Anyway, I just wanted to put that part up so you can know to take all of this information with a grain of salt. Plus, I will go into more detail and explain the inaccuracies.

1. What is paralysis?

Paralysis is the loss of muscle function in part of your body. It happens when something goes wrong with the way messages pass between your brain and muscles. Paralysis can be complete or partial. It can occur on one or both sides of your body. It can also occur in just one area, or it can be widespread. 
The primary cause of paralysis is a spinal cord injury, but other conditions such as cerebral palsy and strokes can cause a similar appearing paralysis. The amount of impairment resulting from a spinal cord injury depends on the part of the spinal cord injured and the amount of damage done. Injury to the spinal cord can be devastating because the spinal cord and the brain are the main parts of the central nervous system, which sends messages throughout your body.
When the spinal cord is injured the brain cannot properly communicate with it and so sensation and movement are impaired. The spinal cord is not the spine itself; it is the nerve system encased in the vertebrae and discs which make up the spine. Other causes of paralysis include
  • Nerve diseases such as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis
  • Autoimmune diseases such as Guillain-Barre syndrome
  • Bell's palsy, which affects muscles in the face 
  • Extreme intelligence 
  • Startling good looks. 
  • Too much sugar. 
  • Excessive masturbation
  • Listening to a Nickleback song
  • Confusing "you're" and "your."
  • Calling your significant other "bae."
  • Editor's note: I even know a girl who became paralyzed in her left arm and from the waist down because she was shooting up drugs, and it caused an infection in her blood, which spread to her spinal cord! There are a multitude of causes!
But this picture below shows the main causes.
Also, did you see where it discussed the difference between paraplegia and quadriplegia? 

Well, I am about to go into a lot more detail about the differences between the two. We will start with paraplegia. 

Paraplegia is an impairment in motor or sensory function of the lower extremities. The word comes from Ionic Greek: παραπληγίη "half-striking". However, with paraplegia, arm functioning is spared, but, depending on the level of injury, the trunk, legs and pelvic organs may be involved, not just the legs. It is usually caused by spinal cord injury or a congenital condition such as spina bifida that affects the neural elements of the spinal canal. The area of the spinal canal that is affected in paraplegia is either the thoracic, lumbar, or sacral regions. If all four limbs are affected by paralysis, tetraplegia or quadriplegia is the correct term. If only one limb is affected, the correct term is monoplegia.

Tetraplegia, also known as quadriplegia, is paralysis caused by illness or injury to a human that results in the partial or total loss of use of all their limbs and torso; paraplegia is similar but does not affect the arms. The loss is usually sensory and motor, which means that both sensation and control are lost. (WRONG. They're over-generalizing)

Tetraparesis or quadriparesis, on the other hand, means muscle weakness affecting all four limbs.[1] It may be flaccid or spastic. (We will get into the what the difference is between flaccid and spastic later, kids)

So basically, regardless if you can move your arms normally or have leg movement, if you broke your NECK and have suffered any paralysis of the arms-even if you can still move them (and especially finger or hand dexterity), you're a quadriplegic. At the same time, you can be technically classified as a "quadriplegic" and have fully functional arms and hands. The term "tetraplegic" has the same meaning as "quadriplegic." It is actually considered more politically correct, and it is used more commonly in Europe than in the United States. 

Here is a photo that shows the different levels of vertebrae that can cause paralysis IF the actual cord was damaged (you can also break your back or neck and NOT suffer paralysis) and how it classifies someone as a "tetraplegic/quadriplegic" or a "paraplegic."

Editor's Note: If you injured or had a disease cause paralysis at the T1 level, you are also still considered quadriplegic/tetraplegic. It just doesn't affect your hands as much. I couldn't find a clear picture online. 

The definition of the word "paralysis" is also a little bit confusing, because many, if not most, of us CAN move certain muscles. Basically, it means that even if you can move, you can't in a purposeful way, such as being able to move your legs but not walk, or be able to move your arms but not have the ability to actually use them. Some of us can walk, yet we're still classified as "paralyzed." This is because there are differing amounts of damage in every single SCI. For example, two people can have the same level of injury, yet be completely different in their ability to move or feel. 

Look at it this way: The spinal cord is a bunch of bundled up nerves the consistency of spaghetti noodles. 


Like this...

I mean, exactly like this! Parmesan cheese, tomato sauce, garlic & everything!

The spinal cord is about an inch across at its widest point and about 18 inches long. Each "noodle" (nerve) controls all your sensory and motor functions and is so complex, that every single muscle and sensation, down to the movement of your pinky finger and the feeling on your left toe are controlled by the nerves in the core. It is an incredibly complex, beautiful and intricate design.  

Here is a picture that shows how intricate it is and exactly what each nerve controls.
Truly amazing, right?!

So, basically, imagine if you squeezed a bundle of spaghetti noodles. Some you would completely sever and split in half, some you might "smoosh" and some might remain perfectly intact. It just depends on how hard you squeeze, right?

That is why every injury is different. Because it depends on how much the spinal cord was "smooshed" or damaged. For example, let's say you broke your back by tripping over a cord and falling on the floor. Most likely, your spinal cord would not suffer as much damage by that type of injury than by one where you fell off of a roof and had bricks and a ladder fall on top of you.


There is an entire scale that explains the severity of an SCI called, "The Asia Scale," which will make understanding this more feasible. 

Here's a picture of the testing that they use to decide your Asia level, which can be an A, B, C or D. A person who has never shown any signs of a spinal cord injury (your average everyday person) would be classified as an Asia E. 
I wanted to find something online that would explain this, but it was all a bunch of jargon that would be difficult to understand. So I'm going to explain it in my words the best way that I can. Basically, when you get injured, a doctor will do a test on you where they will take something with a sharp end and a dull end and poke it into different parts of your skin. You have to tell them if you feel it and if it's dull or sharp. Sometimes they won't touch you at all to try and trick you to see if you can tell if they are actually touching you or not. They will also test several key muscles to see what kind of strength you have in them. The chart shows what muscles and what areas of sensation they test. So if you are an Asia A, you are considered a "complete" injury. This typically means that you have lost all sensory and motor function beneath your level of injury. Anything else (B, C or D) means that you are an "incomplete" injury, which means that you have retained some sort of sensory and motor function below your level of injury. It is not uncommon for a person with a spinal cord injury to be diagnosed as a complete injury at first, and then become incomplete overtime as the spinal cord heals. 

Confusing stuff, right? 

That's why I'll be going into more detail later about how EVERY injury is different. And a blast!! 

Jealous yet??

Now on to flaccid muscles and spastic muscles. A flaccid muscle is one that is limp. It doesn't retain any tone to it whatsoever and typically does not move. Spastic muscles, on the other hand, are muscles that are tight and may have spasms often. A muscle spasm is when a certain muscle involuntarily shakes. In most cases, it is better to have spastic muscles than flaccid muscles, because a spastic muscle can be used for function, even if it does not voluntarily move when a person tries. For example, I know of a woman who could not move her legs, but she was able to use the stiffness of her legs to stand.

Now, on to sex, babies & relationships.

Here is a picture that shows the rate of marriages and divorce in regards to spinal cord injuries and how many people have children before & after and stay married and/or get married afterwards.
When I was initially injured, my parents were told that only 35% of couples stay together longer than a year after the injury. And I believe that is incorrect. As far as sex goes, most people with spinal cord injuries do not lose the ability to experience pleasure, and many are still able to achieve orgasm. However, the type of orgasms that the paralyzed person might feel are different than what they might have felt before. 

Because I am lazy, I copied and pasted something from a site to cover everything regarding this topic.

Since a spinal cord injury (SCI) affects virtually every system of the human body, many people who sustain SCI have serious concerns about how their injuries have affected their ability to participate in and enjoy a sexual relationship. This document attempts to address some of the more common questions that arise on the topic of sex after a SCI. 
Sexual function in humans is controlled by parts of the central nervous system (CNS), particularly the brain and spinal cord. Interruption to the CNS through injury to the spinal cord will therefore have some effect on sexual function. The extent to which sexual function is impaired, however, depends on a variety of factors including the level of injury, the severity of damage to the spinal cord, and whether the individual is male or female.

2. Female Sexuality After SCI 
At only the most basic level, a female's ability to engage in sexual activity is less likely to be affected by SCI, by virtue of the way the female body is constructed. A woman is often able to have intercourse as easily after SCI as before, although additional lubrication may be needed to avoid chafing and to make the act of intercourse easier to initiate. Alternative positioning of one's body may have to be considered as well. 
While certain aspects of female sexual functioning may be changed after SCI, the ability to conceive, carry and give birth is usually not impaired. (I know multiple women personally who have had several children after their injury vaginally, although some do it by a C-section) 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Yo! You click on the words up there to read it!
Birth control is an issue of great interest to women in general and the woman with an SCI has additional reasons to be concerned. Unless a woman develops sensitivity to latex, her male partner's use of condoms may be the easiest method of birth control. Using foam, the sponge or a diaphragm and jelly is still possible, but women with quadriplegia may now find this difficult, if not impossible. While only a few assistive devices are available to help perform these tasks, a woman's partner may wish to assist or even perform these tasks, helping to make the responsibility for birth control a shared function. 

Other methods of birth control, such as IUD's, the pill and Norplant, should only be used with great caution after consultation with an experienced gynecologist or physiatrist. Both SCI and the pill are known to cause vascular complications in certain individuals and one may contraindicate the use of the other. IUD's are particularly worrisome because a lack of sensation or inability to check its positioning may cause a woman to be unaware of slippage or puncture. Slippage may decrease the effectiveness of preventing a pregnancy and a puncture can be life threatening. 

Many women are concerned about their ability to have children following a SCI. Although there may be precautions to guard against complications such as autonomic dysreflexia (I will explain what this is later), most women are able to bear children following a SCI. A competent physician who is experienced in labor and delivery with women with SCI is essential when contemplating having children. 

3. Male Sexual Function After SCI 
For males, the situation of sexual functioning is a little more complicated. Some men are able to achieve erections quite easily, while others can achieve erections occasionally and some are unable to achieve erections at all after a SCI. Two basic kinds of erections are possible. Psychogenic (the kind of erection that occurs as a result of having sexy thoughts or by looking at erotic pictures) and reflexogenic (erections that occur as a result of direct physical stimulation of the penis or surrounding area). 
There are several ways to achieve an erection after SCI. Vacuum-Induced Erections employ tubes with a vacuum pump that, when placed over the penis and activated, pulls the air out of the tube often causing blood to inflate the penis. A band is then placed around the base of the penis to maintain erection. Most urologists suggest this method as a first step as it is the least invasive of the available procedures. Another option is the Injected Vasoactive Drug. A very fine needle is used prior to sexual activity to inject a prescribed dosage of medication into the base of the penis. The extremely fine needle causes little or no discomfort. The drug causes the blood vessels in the penis to enlarge, thereby stimulating an erection that can last from 15 minutes to an hour or more, depending on the dosage injected. Some potential side effects include bruises and erection for a dangerously long period of time. The cost per injection can range from $10 to $20 depending on the medication used, and insurance coverage may be available. 

Penile Implants, or penile prostheses are sometimes considered. This procedure is extremely invasive as it involves surgical implantation of a rod or an inflatable tube into the penis. Inflatable implants have several chambers that are filled with fluid to achieve erection and are then emptied following intercourse. The pump, chambers to be filled with fluid, and connecting tubes are all implanted. Semi-rigid implants consist of two implants made of a flexible material that causes a permanent rigid state. The penis can be bent against the pelvis when not engaged in intercourse. 
Although the level and severity of injury may give some indication as to how likely a man is to be able to have erections, the best way to find out is to get to know your body and learn how it reacts to certain situations. A doctor can give you more information about whatever physiological limitations may exist, but the person and their partner need to explore their body's response to sexual situations. Although talking about sexual function is sometimes difficult, complete and open communication between partners is the best way to explore sexual possibilities available after injury (just as it was before injury, by the way!)

4. Sexual Sensation After Spinal Cord Injury 
As with other basic physiological functions after a SCI, sexual sensations can also be altered. Some of the nerves you once counted on to provide pleasurable feelings in sexual organs and other erotic areas of your body may no longer be working as they did before injury. Some people retain specific sexual sensations in the genital areas, while others notice they are diminished or absent. However, many others have reported heightened sensations in different parts of the body-the neck, earlobes, nipples, arms or other areas of skin. 

Editor's Note: I know of men and women who lost all genital sensation but are able to achieve something called a "phantom orgasm" where they might have someone kiss or touch an area of their body where they still have normal sensation, like the neck, earlobes or nipples mentioned above. What will happen is, the brain will take the intense sensation from those areas and "reassign" them to the genitals, so they feel like they are having a regular orgasm. I personally know a girl who is able to achieve orgasm by having someone kiss her hand.

Wouldn't that be NICE?? If I were her, I would just go up to random strangers and put my hand in their mouths.

Many people who have sustained a SCI have indicated that their total enjoyment of the sexual experience after SCI is as good as, if not better than, their pre-injury sexual experiences. Necessity in many cases encourages them to concentrate on "holistic" sexual experiences rather than on genital-specific sex. Many individuals report that they can still achieve climax although frequently not in the same way as before their injury. 

5. Body Image
A key component of sexuality is how one perceives one's body. A person who is able to see themselves as attractive and desirable is far more likely to engage in a healthy and satisfying sex life. Some people experience issues of lowered self esteem and a resulting poor self image following a spinal cord injury. As a person with SCI adjusts to a new physical reality, it may be difficult to change self perceptions to accommodate the injury in a positive way. 

One common misconception following a spinal cord injury is that a single man or woman will never find a life partner, or that an existing partner will leave a relationship due to the complications of an injury. This is not the case. The divorce rate following spinal cord injury is only slightly higher than in other populations, and thousands of people have been married and begun families after a spinal cord injuries. 

Note: Not every person with an SCI struggles with the following issues. 


POOP & PEE:

We'll discuss pee first. 
Paralysis at any level usually, but not always, affects bladder control. The nerves controlling these organs attach to the very base of the spinal cord (levels S2–S4) and are therefore cut off from brain input. Although it may not be possible to regain the control one had before paralysis, a wide range of techniques and tools are available to manage what is termed a  neurogenic bladder.
Here's how an unaffected bladder works: Urine, the excess water and salts that are extracted from the bloodstream by the kidneys, is piped down thin tubes called ureters, which normally allow urine to flow only in one direction. The ureters connect to the bladder, which is basically a storage bag that does not like pressure. When the bag is full, pressure rises and nerves send a message via the spinal cord to the brain. When one is ready to empty the bladder, the brain sends a message back down the spinal cord to the bladder, telling the detrusor muscle (the bladder wall) to squeeze and the sphincter muscle (a valve around the top of the urethra) to relax and open. Urine then passes down the urethra to exit the body. 

It is a rather elegant (like how I italicized that?) process of muscle coordination just to go pee.
After paralysis, however, the body's normal system of control can go haywire; messages can no longer pass between the bladder muscles and the brain. Both the detrusor and the sphincter may be overactive due to lack of brain control. An overactive detrusor can contract at small volumes against an overactive sphincter; this leads to high bladder pressures, incontinence, incomplete emptying, and reflux -- along with recurrent bladder infections, stones, hydronephrosis (kidney distention), pyelonephritis (kidney inflammation), and renal failure.
The neurogenic bladder is usually affected in one of two ways:
1. Spastic (reflex) bladder: when the bladder fills with urine, an unpredictable reflex automatically triggers it to empty; this usually occurs when the injury is above the T12 level. With a spastic bladder you do not know when, or if, the bladder will empty. Physicians familiar with spinal cord injury often recommend a bladder relaxing medication (anticholinergic) for reflexive bladder; oxybutynin (Ditropan) is common, with a primary side effect of dry mouth. Tolterodine, propiverine, or transdermal oxybutinin may result in less dry mouth. Botulinum toxin A (Botox) may be an alternative to anticholinergics. It has been FDA approved for detrusor overactivity treatment in individuals with SCI and multiple sclerosis. The advantage: Botox is used focally in the bladder, thus avoiding systemic side effects, including dry mouth.
2. Flaccid (non-reflex) bladder: the reflexes of the bladder muscles are sluggish or absent; it can become over-distended, or stretched. Stretching affects the muscle tone of the bladder. A flaccid bladder may not empty completely. Treatments may include sphincter relaxing medications (alpha-adrenergic blockers) such as terazosin (Hytrin) or tamsulosin (Flomax). Botox (hey, that means your bladder will never age!) injected into the external urinary sphincter may improve bladder emptying. Also, surgery is an option to open the sphincter. Bladder outlet surgery, or sphincterotomy, reduces pressure on the sphincter and thus allows urine to flow out of the bladder easier. An alternative to sphincterotomy is placement of a metal device called a stent through the external sphincter, thus ensuring an open passage. One drawback to both sphincterotomy and stenting is that sperm from an ejaculation ends up in the bladder (retrograde), rather than coming out the penis. This doesn't rule out having a child but complicates it; sperm can be collected from the bladder but can be damaged by urine.
Dyssynergia occurs when the sphincter muscles do not relax when the bladder contracts. The urine cannot flow through the urethra, which can result in the urine backing up into the kidneys (called reflux), which can lead to serious complications.
The most common method of bladder emptying is an intermittent catheterization program (ICP), which drains the bladder on a set schedule (every four to six hours is common). A catheter is inserted in the urethra to drain the bladder, then removed. An indwelling catheter (Foley) drains the bladder continuously. If drainage originates from a stoma (a surgically created opening) at the pubic bone area, bypassing the urethra, it's called a suprapubic catheter. Advantage: unrestricted liquid intake. Disadvantage: besides the need for a collection device, indwelling catheters are more prone to urinary tract infection. An external condom catheter, which also drains continuously, is an option for men. Condom catheters also require a collection device, e.g. legbag.
There are several surgical alternatives for bladder dysfunction. A Mitrofanoff procedure constructs a new passageway for urine using the appendix; this allows catheterization to be done through a stoma in the abdomen directly to the bladder, a great advantage for women and for people with limited hand function. Bladder augmentation is a procedure that surgically enlarges the bladder, using tissue from the intestines, to expand bladder capacity and thus reduce leaking and the need for frequent catheterization.
It is common for people with multiple sclerosis and other spinal cord diseases to have problems with bladder control. This can involve a little leaking after a sneeze or laugh, or loss of all control. For many people, appropriate clothing and padding can compensate for lack of control. Some women benefit from strengthening the pelvic diaphragm (Kegel exercises) to improve retention of urine.

Now POOP!

Paralysis can disrupt "the system."
There are two main types of neurogenic bowel, depending on level of injury: an injury above the conus medullaris (at L1) results in upper motor neuron (UMN) bowel syndrome; a lower motor neuron (LMN) bowel syndrome occurs in injuries below L1.
In a UMN or hyperreflexic bowel, voluntary control of the external anal sphincter is disrupted; the sphincter remains tight, which promotes constipation and retention of stool, which cannot be ignored; it is associated with episodes of autonomic dysreflexia. UMN connections between the spinal cord and the colon remain intact, thus reflex coordination and stool propulsion remain intact. Stool evacuation in people with UMN bowel occurs by means of reflex activity caused by a stimulus introduced into the rectum, such as a suppository or digital stimulation—best triggered at socially appropriate times and places.
LMN or flaccid bowel is marked by loss of stool movement (peristalsis) and slow stool propulsion. The result is constipation and a higher risk of incontinence due to lack of a functional anal sphincter. To minimize formation of hemorrhoids, use stool softeners, minimal straining during bowel efforts, and minimal physical trauma during stimulation.
Bowel accidents can happen for some people. 
For those who struggle with this, the best way to prevent them is to follow a schedule, to teach the bowel when to have a movement. Most people perform their bowel program at a time of day that fits with their lifestyle. The program usually begins with insertion of either a suppository or a mini-enema, followed by a waiting period of approximately 15–20 minutes to allow the stimulant to work. After the waiting period, digital stimulation is performed every 10–15 minutes until the rectum is empty. Those with a flaccid bowel frequently start their programs with digital stimulation or manual removal. Bowel programs typically require 30–60 minutes to complete. Preferably, a bowel program can be done on the commode. Two hours of sitting tolerance is usually sufficient. But those at high risk for skin breakdown

(When you're paralyzed, you lose the ability to move around and shift accordingly when you are uncomfortable, so oftentimes, your skin may develop pressure sores that can be life-threatening.)

Here's a picture that shows the different stages.


need to evaluate if it's better care to be in a seated position, versus a side-lying position in bed.
Constipation is a problem for many people with neuromuscular-related paralysis. Anything that changes the speed with which foods move through the large intestine interferes with the absorption of water and causes problems. There are several types of laxatives that help with constipation. Laxatives such as Metamucil supply the fiber necessary to add bulk, which holds water and makes it easier to move stool through the bowels. Stool softeners, such as Colace, also keep the water content of the stool higher, which keeps it softer and thus easier to move. Stimulants such as bisacodyl increase the muscle contractions (peristalsis) of the bowel, which moves the stool along. Frequent use of stimulants can actually aggravate constipation – the bowels become dependent on them for even normal peristalsis.

Now on to Autonomic Dysreflexia. It is an abnormal, overreaction of the involuntary (autonomic) nervous system to stimulation. This reaction may include: 
  • Change in heart rate
  • Excessive sweating
  • High blood pressure
  • Muscle spasms
  • Skin color changes (paleness, redness, blue-grey skin color)
This is typically caused when an individual cannot feel when something is going wrong in their body. For example, someone may have a scratch on their foot, their clothing may be too tight, they might have a full bladder and not know it, a bruise, even a broken bone and not be aware of it. This can be incredibly life-threatening and if not caught early, this person may have a stroke and die.

Here is another picture that illustrates what I cannot put into words.


I could go on and on and on and go into so many more details about paralysis-like nerve pain, rehabilitation, adaptive equipment, etc. But I think this is boring enough for now, so I am going to stop here, and then do the one about the personal questions that pertain to me.

If you've actually read any of this, feel free to ask any questions in the comment box below and I will answer them if I can!

Love,
MourningGlory 


This is from my go-to guilty pleasure, Bitmoji. It allows you to create an avatar that looks like you & has TONS of absolutely glorious and ridiculous captions to choose from. My entire family now communicates strictly in Bitmoji.

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